


Oh Christmas Tree

by Sei_Bellissima



Category: SteamWorld Heist
Genre: Christmas Tree, Fen is a huge derp, Gen, Humor, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Piper is an overprotective mother hen to her crew, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 05:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17094476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sei_Bellissima/pseuds/Sei_Bellissima
Summary: Bored of the crew's new routine of picking off rouge Scrappers and Royalists, Seabrass convinces Fen to help him raid one of the Red Queen's old vaults.Fen finds a Christmas tree. It goes down as well as you'd expect.Takes place after the events of Heist.-Happy holidays! This is a prompt fill from Tumblr I did because I needed some practice at the time. I'll post the other ones I did when I find time to do so."nom-nom-pies said: Just because I can't get the image out of my head with Christmas approaching, Fen and Seabrass discover a decorated Christmas tree in a vault of the Red Queen. In the end Piper finds them after whatever hilarity has ensued, because she was worried after losing contact with the pair"





	Oh Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr here: [http://sw-seibellissima.tumblr.com/post/180531730665/](http://sw-seibellissima.tumblr.com/post/180531730665/just-because-i-cant-get-the-image-out-of-my-head)

“Are you sure we are allowed to do this?”

“Aye, Cap’n’s pretty lenient when it comes to rules, so we can do whate’re we want so long as we don’t get into trouble.”

The whole crew knew it well: Seabrass was bored out of his mind. Acting as the “police” for a still-recovering society was all good and fun, sure, but taking out the lingering Scrappers and unconvinced Royalists (Who were still trying to enforce the dead Queen’s laws) were starting to grow stale. He wanted something slower for a change.

In his nightly musings he decided that having an adventure by himself was a fun idea, so he formulated a plan to raid the one of the Red Queen’s vaults, taking whatever treasures it might still hold. Caution still whispered persistent warnings in the back of his mind, though, so to shut it up he convinced Fen to tag along for the ride. Besides, they seemed oblivious enough to not realize they very well might get in trouble—nevertheless, if any danger arose, they would be a good partner to have in a fight.

He managed to convince Piper to send the two of them onto a small Scrapper ship that had been reported to be carrying Scrappers who were bugging the locals. They were decommissioned swiftly and when it came time to leave, Seabrass directed the escape pod in the opposite direction. If everything went to plan, they’d be in and out of the vault before anyone suspected a thing.

Before long they reached the vault, sliding into the docking bay like a plug fitting into its port. They had to fight with the door on the vault’s side to get it to open, but once they did, they found it to be very dark inside.

“I’ve got this,” Fen exclaimed, turning every light on their body on, lighting them up to the brightest setting they could without overexerting themself.

Fen started forward, looking about rather eagerly for hidden treasures. Seabrass didn’t expect Fen to move so quickly, so he had to pick up the pace, not wanting to get left behind. After a few minutes, Fen inadvertently kicked something, the item making a loud clattering sound as it scraped against the floor. Startled, they jumped a bit, their antennae standing on end.

“Aye, what is it?” Seabrass asked, immediately striding over to it. He leaned over it, studying it with curiosity; and it wasn’t long before Fen joined him.

“It’s a hook,” observed Fen.

Seabrass picked it up; just from an initial feel he could tell it was pretty heavy, much heavier than his own. “And a rather fancy one, it be.” It was true; fancy markings and patterns were etched into the bowl-like bottom. Whoever wore this must’ve been in a highly respectable position.

It was when Seabrass started fawning over it, saying how he’d pick up all the ladies with it that Fen grew bored and moved on, their pirate friend unaware that he was being left in the dark. They fumbled around old and dusty antiques and other uninteresting things before something green caught their “eye”.

On first glance, it almost looked like Wonky’s plant, Earnest, but this one was much taller. It lacked those “leaf” things that Earnest had, instead having these short, pin-like obtrusions on its branches. There were a weird plethora of trinkets on it, from shiny orbs to porcelain depictions of Shiners. Looking closer, Fen saw that a bunch of wires with unlit bulbs attached were also wrapped around the strange plant.

_How does it live without light? Earnest has to be set by the window everyday. For “photosynthesis” as Wonky calls it._

Fen reached out to touch one of the pins—it warped under his touch and felt like some sort of plastic. Nothing like fleshy, durable texture of Earnest’s thick stem. Was it perhaps fake?

“Hey! Wait up… What it that?” Seabrass said as he finally caught up with Fen.

“I have reason to believe that it is an artificial plant.”

“Aren’t those wires wrapped around it though? Like those dookickeys that make ye run?”

“Yeah, they are… perhaps I could do something with them.” Fen followed the wires with their “eyes,” looking for an end to them, or more specifically, something they could interact with. Their gaze fell to the floor, where the wire finally ended with two flat, metal prongs, a small holes in both of them. He walked over and picked it up, tracing the holes with their fingers.

Fen distinctly remembered channeling power into a similar device years ago… what would happen if they did the same to this one?

“...Gabriel? Stand back, I don’t want you to get injured.” Fen had adopted Piper’s habit of calling Seabrass by his first name, and to be frank, he _hated it_. No matter what he tried, however, he couldn’t convince Fen to call him by his nickname.

Seabrass begrudgingly obeyed and took a few long strides backwards, allowing Fen to do execute whatever plan they had in mind.

It happened so quickly: sparks of electricity branched out everywhere (somehow not touching anything), tiny little lights appeared on the tree, Fen quite literally squeaked and accidentally tackled Seabrass to the ground in their attempt to get away. Fen suddenly picked up Seabrass, tucked themself underneath his back and shivered violently.

Seabrass looked like he had just had his harpooning skills insulted, was stomped on and spat at. Not only was he being used as a hiding place for his nutty teammate, he was being used as a spot to hide from an inanimate object.

“Oh, so it lights up? You learn something new everyday, I suppose.”

Fen’s attitude did a complete one-eighty; one minute they were cowering under Seabrass and the next they were hovering protectively over him, lightning coil charged and ready to go. Seabrass fell to the ground, landing painfully on his back _again_. He was sure he would have to have his back looked at later.

“Hey, it’s okay! I don’t mean any harm,” the voice said at Fen, who was _growling_ (Seabrass was starting to suspect that they were some sort of animal in a robot disguise).

As Fen lowered their lightning coil, withdrawing the power from it, their shoulder was used by Seabrass for support in getting himself up. They then shared an identical confused look as they took in the bot before them.

He seemed to be some sort of Royalist, but really old, if the way he hunched over was anything to go by. He had white facial “hair” and an eye patch. He gave them a warm smile. “I sort all the old stuff around here. You won’t believe the kind of crazy thingamabobs I’ve taken in over the years, and that fake, decorative plant in the corner is no exception. The little bulbs on it was the one mystery I’ve never solved, but it seems you two have accomplished the task for me.”

They stood in awkward silence for a minute as they took the info in.

“I don’t like it,” Fen decided, and knowing Fen, Seabrass couldn’t ask why. Fen was strange like that.

“So it is a fake plant, then. What use is a plant if it doesn’t make any o’ that oxygen stuff?” asked Seabrass.

The old robot shrugged. “I’ve heard rumors suggesting that long before the Earth exploded, it was worshiped, Shiners leaving boxes wrapped with fancy paper underneath its branches. The tree would bless the boxes, leaving gifts inside them.”

Fen blurted out, “That’s ridiculous.”

“Of course it is, the Shiners were complete nut jobs.”

The Royalists chuckled. “But you have to admit, it is decorated very nicely, no?”

It was mere seconds later that they found out that Fen didn’t think so, because in those few seconds Fen managed to set the tree on fire with their lightning coil.

“PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” Someone shouted, and in response, all three robots in the room did so, looks of utter panic on their faces (Even Fen, who only had “eyes” for a face, managed to pull off a terrified look). The next thing they knew was that they were staring down the barrel of Piper’s rifle. Piper herself had an absolutely _livid_ expression.

Before she decided to pull the trigger on the poor man Fen and Seabrass quickly explained the whole thing, knowing full well that they would face punishment later. Piper put her gun down and raised her brows when they finished, processing their words.

Seabrass sighed and looked to the floor. “...Sorry, Cap’n.”

Instead of receiving an annoyed sigh and forgiveness like he hoped, Seabrass instead earned a slap on the face. “Don’t do that again! You had me scared to death back there. Turned the whole ship into a sauna, I was steaming so much.” She sighed, her rage dissipating. “Listen, if you wanted to have some fun, I would have gladly taken you to a concert or something. _Ask me_ instead of deciding to raid some old man’s vault. Now go wait for me in the ship.”

“Bu-But it’s not _his_ vault, it was the _Queen’s_ vault! Anything in here is up for grabs!” Seabrass protested, but Piper clearly wasn’t listening. Besides that and a grumpy Fen trying to drag him away, he realized he wouldn’t be able to change the Captain’s mind.

“Don’t worry about it; I grabbed the hook on the way out for you,” Fen whispered. To their relief, Seabrass’s face broke into the widest grin they’ve ever seen.

“What a peculiar pair of robots,” the old Royalist said as he watched the pair trudge out.

Piper groaned and rubbed the spot between her photoreceptors. “You have no idea. I love them, they mean everything to me, but they can make me worry like no tomorrow.”

Suddenly, water flew over their head, arching in a beautiful curve before landing on the burning tree, dousing its flames.

“Only you can prevent forest fires!”

“DORA, FOR COG’S SAKE, GET BACK ON THE SHIP!”

**Author's Note:**

> I need to get back to my Kirby stuff, I know *~*
> 
> Happy Holidays for now, and have a Happy New Year, I'll try to be more productive next year XD
> 
> EDIT 2/21/19: I fixed some typos and other small things.


End file.
